Undisclosed Desires
by McJinx64
Summary: Story continues right after James' attack. Edward is tormented by the thought he couldn't keep Bella safe. Bella wants nothing more than to be changed into a vampire. Will Edward grant Bella's wish or does the future have something else in store for them?
1. Chapter 1: Playing With Fire

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...I only wish!**

**Author's note: I've posted this chapter earlier but wasn't quite satisfied with its contents so I've rewritten it. The story continues right after James' attack on Bella. Edward is tormented with thoughts he couldn't keep his beloved Bella safe. Bella wants nothing more than to be changed into a vampire. Will Edward grant Bella's biggest wish? **

**Please enjoy this first chapter and don't forget to comment. I highly appreciate your opinions!**

**Wishing you all a nice weekend,**

**McJinx**

**U N D I S C L O S E D D E S I R E S **

**Chapter 1 'Playing With Fire'**

**B E L L A**

_It all had happened so incredibly fast, my mind was kind of in a blur. Before I even realized I had almost died or turned into a vampire (which wouldn't have been so bad…at least in my opinion), I was lying in Carlisle's car, being driven to the hospital by a very worried Edward. I leaned against the window with a blood covered towel over the gash in my leg while Carlisle applied the right amount of pressure to it._

"_We're almost there…Hold on Bella!" I heard him whisper while he drew the towel a bit tighter. I took a deep breath and nodded with more confidence than I actually felt. _

"_Is she OK?" I heard Edward ask. His voice sounded worried, soft, caressing my inner core. I turned my head to look at him but nausea hit me so hard, I turned away again quickly._

"_Stay with me Bella…please, stay with me." Edward begged, sounding hurt and pained. I sighed and opened my mouth to assure him, I would be alright but my eyes drifted close and to be honest; the blackness was kind of welcoming…_

…

I took a deep breath as one awful memory after another besieged me. James' attack had happened months ago but thinking about it, still gave me the chills.

"Hey Bells…where are you?" Charlie's hand gently waved itself in front of my face as I found reality again and the flashback of James' attack faded into the crevices of my memory.

"Bells? Billy and I are going fishing. We won't be back until tonight…you think you can manage by yourself?"

"Sure dad…have much fun!" I mumbled absently as Charlie pulled on his jacket and took his fishing equipment. I watched how Billy picked up Charlie and waved them goodbye before walking back into the kitchen to clean up. When I was done, I went upstairs because Edward would pick me up in an hour or so.

**E D W A R D **

I clenched my hands into tight fists as rage slowly developed me. "I am the reason Bella almost got killed," I muttered as anger boiled inside me. "We really have to think about leaving Forks," I yelled, letting venom slowly seep into my mouth.

"Bella is fine Edward! She healed remarkably fast and freaking out will do nothing. If you want us to leave Forks…that's fine but you have to realize, we can never come back" Carlisle said calmly. Esmé put a hand on my shoulder, while she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Carlisle is right Edward. If you want us to leave Forks, you have to realize you'll lose Bella forever!"

My chest immediately squeezed painfully because I knew losing Bella wasn't really an option. I needed her. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed her to live through my dark existence.

"I just want her to be safe," I said, a little calmer now. Esmé smiled and squeezed my hand. "You know there's a way to keep her safe…forever," she softly said pulling me into a hug. "Just think about it Edward. You're my son and I know you. I've never seen you have feelings towards a girl like you have feelings towards Bella. You need her and she needs you! And Bella doesn't mind to be turned into one of us," she concluded. I nodded and smiled ever so slightly to myself. Esmé and Carlisle were right but was I ready to turn Bella into a vampire?

**B E L L A **

I closed the bathroom door, leaning against it for a minute. I slowly pulled off my shirt and hung it on the door handle. I finished undressing and tossed my underwear into the hamper before reaching down to take off my watch. As I pulled at the strap I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and walked over to it to take a closer look. I kept going over my features again and again; the way my eyes were set, the way my eyebrows moved, and the way my thoughts were projected through every motion of my face. I sighed, wishing I could somehow carry this image with me for the rest of my life. I wanted to stay like this; 17 years old; the same age as Edward. I grimaced to my reflection and stepped away from the mirror, finishing taking off my watch. I ignored the mirror as I dropped it next to the sink. Then I stepped into the shower and slid the glass door closed behind me. I tested the water before turning it up to full pressure, letting the liquid spray into my hands for a moment before stepping forward. The water coated my hair and ran down my body. It felt great. I stood still, letting the water flow over me. I reached for the shampoo and started lathering my hair. I closed my eyes, concentrating on the feel of the water and then I thought back of a dream I'd had a few days ago…a dream about me and Edward. We were lying in our meadow, my arms hanging gently around his neck, smiling. Edward whispered things to me I had never heard a guy say to me. Later in the dream we were in my bedroom. Edward stood before me, naked but it didn't seem strange at all. I didn't even really notice it. I was more concentrating on my own sense of awkwardness. Edward smiled at me and his hands reached out, undoing the top button of my shirt. He moved his way down, quickly and efficiently and the next thing I knew, I was naked too. I smiled up at him and he took me in his arms and I've never felt a happier moment in my entire life. I laid my head against his rock hard chest and smiled against his deliciously smelling skin

…

I opened my eyes and sighed, whishing there was some way I could go back to that dream and stay there, away from everyone who couldn't understand the thing I wanted most of all; becoming like Edward…becoming a vampire!

**E D W A R D**

I sat on the ledge of Bella's bedroom window and grabbed hold of the pipe before swinging inside but then I caught sight of her and my breath actually caught in my throat. I sat motionless and just stared at her. Bella's hair was wet and she had a towel wrapped around her waist. She hadn't bothered to properly dry herself and the afternoon light gave her skin almost a glow. Her beautiful eyes stared straight ahead and gave her an absent almost melancholic expression. _I_ _wondered what she was thinking about_ She closed her eyes and slowly pulled the towel off. She raised her arms and absently started rubbing lotion onto her body. I could see the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed and I clenched my teeth, feeling a bit strange. I had never been aroused or attracted by a girl before but seeing Bella naked, caused unfamiliar feelings burning low in the pit of my stomach. My pants were getting tighter fast and I swallowed hard. Quickly I got up, my erection rather prominent through my pants as I swung inside Bella's room.

"_What…Edward_?"

Automatically Bella reached for her towel but I was quicker, tearing the garment into shreds in my frantic haste to be close to her. Bella stiffened and the sensations in my body became a hot flash that surged up my body into my face. _What was I doing_?

"Oh Bella…I'm sorry," I managed to bring out in a barely audible voice. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply as I turned away from her.

**B E L L A**

Edward and I sat in silence on my bed as I watched him slowly drift into thoughts. The glazed look in his eyes brought out the gold in his eyes and I was mesmerized by it.

"What happened just then?" I tried softly.

An unnatural grin contorted Edward's handsome face as he looked up, "When I saw you…I nearly lost control." He hugged himself around his stomach and looked away to compose himself. He stared down at the floor hiding his eyes from me.

I felt a twinge between my legs as I realized Edward had been turned on by me. I took in a deep breath before kneeling down in front of him. Edward's face was paler than pale and he nervously twisted his fingers as he met my gaze. I bit my lower lip as I reached out and softly touched the bulge in his pants. Edward cringed and his expression was intense; a mixture of fear and desire. I realized he was frightened of the growing excitement in his body as I touched him.

"Bella…don't get me wrong. I want to know what it feels like to be with you," Edward managed to bring out, "…but I…we can't. I am too strong and I'm afraid I'll hurt you!"

Edward pushed away my hand and rose abruptly, struggling for composure.

"You're not leaving," I gasped but it wasn't really a question. Edward's hands quivered even more when he saw me arise and step in front of him. I positioned myself before him, gazing deeply into the golden pools that I loved so much. Edward cowered back in apprehension, trying vainly to put as much space between us as possible, which, thanks to my small bedroom, was not much.

"Why don't you want this Edward? I'd love to make the deepest, darkest part of your soul visible."

"I don't have a soul!" Edward's whole body was quivering now.

"Yes, you do," I whispered, but Edward wasn't really listening. He was gazing at the window, considering some kind of escape path but I closed the distance between us and looked up at him, slowly pulling off my shirt. A deep growl emanated from Edward's throat but he didn't stop me when I started unbuttoning his shirt and slid it down his smooth shoulders. I knew it was wrong what I was doing because Edward could simply destroy me but there was something about him tonight that I couldn't ignore. Silently, I longed for his kiss. Slowly, I pulled his head close and softly melded his lips to mine. He kissed me hard…but only for a second and then he pulled away. I closed my eyes and wanted him to take me in his arms, simply ignoring the danger of our intimacy. At that moment, I was ready to ignore everything. I rose up on my toes and started kissing him. I kissed his lips lightly, then his chin and his jaw line.

"You're playing with fire, Bella Swan," Edward whispered in a quiet voice as I moved my lips to his neck.

"I know, "I whispered in his ear. "…but I don't care."

"I'm a vampire!" Edward's voice was full of bitterness. "If we make love…," he slowly shook his head.

I pulled my head back to look into his eyes and smiled. I knew what he was thinking. He was afraid to loose control and would hurt me in some way.

"You won't hurt me," I whispered.

Edward still hesitated. "I would rather die…"

"Shhh," I cut in, "I'm not afraid of you." I could see the excitement in his anxious eyes as he sighed deeply. His fingers smoothed over my face and ran through my hair, "I'm sorry…but I can't!"

**E D W A R D**

Bella stepped back and immediately my eyes were drawn to the curves of her slender body, "you're so beautiful," I whispered before I reached for my shirt. Before I even realized what was happening Bella stood in front of me and ran her hands softly over the muscles of my chest.

"Edward, Please…don't push me away," she begged. Quickly, she reached to unbuckle my belt and my hands trembled when I closed them over hers to stop her. I buried my head in her hair and the scent was intoxicating; overwhelming.

"Bella…stop trying to seduce me!" I wrapped my hands around her waist to push her away before she could further explore my body but she cuddled closer to me, encircling my neck with her arms, moving against me to let me feel the warmth of her body. Shivers ran down my spine when her bare flesh touched mine; cold against warm. And almost instantly, passion burned in every inch of me. A low growl escaped from my throat but Bella continued wrapping herself around me, her neck dangerously close to my mouth. I closed my eyes at the smell of her sweet blood. Unfamiliar warmth quickly built inside me and I panicked, "Bella…back off," I commanded her with anger. Smacking the flat of my hand to her chest I forced her back.

With the force of my push, Bella had stumbled backwards and I shut my eyes in shame. When I opened them again she tangled her hands in my hair as she kissed me again, "No Edward," she simply said as she extended her hand toward me, "I want you to make love to me!"

"You're such a stubborn girl. I want to love you but I will never forgive myself if I hurt –-"

Bella cut off my sentence by suddenly folding herself around me and nestling her head into my chest. I felt her body shudder with each tear that fell. Not angry sobs, just sadness. If I had a heart, it would have broken instantly at that moment but instead, all her emotions seemed to set me free. Tenderly, I placed my hands on her back as she sank against me. I held her and then after some minutes, her crying stopped. I ran my hands through her hair and felt like I could have stayed like that forever.

Bella pulled back a little and I looked directly into her eyes. Something in her gaze took charge of me, driving me toward her. Closing my eyes, I slowly shook my head. The yearning was too strong and I needed to be closer to her. I grasped Bella's chin in my hand and simply nodded. "OK…We will give it a try."

**B E L L A**

I sagged onto the bed as Edward smiled down at me. He took off his pants and my stomach fluttered in nervous anticipation. _Would our first time be special? _My eyes were automatically drawn to Edward's lower body. His manhood was enormous and throbbing and I swallowed hard as I got my first feel of the cold- and thickness of it as he pushed me back onto the bed, crawling on top of me. We turned our heads to look at each other at the same time and Edward's eyes sparkled with excitement. I reached out and traced the line of his jaw. I saw him clench his teeth as soon as I touched him, his eyes filling up with darkness.

"Don't be afraid," I mumbled.

Edward's mouth hovered over mine, our lips touching delicate as butterflies blown by a warm summer wind at first, but then his hand grabbed the back of my neck and he used his tongue and lips to force my mouth open. I obeyed and his tongue slowly slid inside. He explored my mouth with his tongue while his hand relaxed and caressed the back of my neck. I lost all sense of place and time in his kiss and then…my breath hitched in my throat as he rested his free hand on my stomach. His caress sent a red wave through me and it started where he touched me and surged through my body to end between my legs. Edward's hand travelled over my hips, forward onto my lower body and I held my breath while his hand moved over my skin. They started a fire in me, I simply couldn't resist. Briefly I wondered if his hand would go upwards or downwards but to be honest, I felt slightly disappointed when it went upwards. He softly stroked my belly and I gasped when he reached my breast. I heard how he inhaled sharply while his hand gently massaged it. I closed my eyes and noticed how my breathing became hard and ragged. I was entirely naked and vulnerable, "Please Edward…make love to me," I begged, reaching towards him.

**E D W A R D **

Bright light from the afternoon streamed in through Bella's bedroom window and I couldn't tear my gaze away from her. I reached out and cupped her small, firm breasts. They were soft and fit my hands perfectly. I rubbed my thumbs over the nipples and I heard Bella sigh softly in response. She closed her eyes, and had an expression on her face I'd never seen before. Mesmerized, I bend over her and our lips met in another slow kiss. She shivered when she pressed her breasts against my ice-cold chest.

"You are so…beautiful," I whispered in her ear.

Bella responded by kissing me again. I smiled and brushed her tousled hair behind her ear then I leaned over and softly kissed her breast. Bella moaned deep in her throat and the sound urged me on to take a nipple in my mouth and then…there was the taste of her skin; oh so sweet. I sensed how her pulse quickened and her nipple instantly puckered to a tight, little pebble. She squirmed underneath me, pressing her chest upward to my mouth. I knew what I was doing was extremely dangerous but I simply couldn't stop. The smell of Bella's blood mixed with our joint excitement was overwhelming.

"Oh, Edward, "Bella moaned. "…that feels good!"

Her passionate moans urged me further on and I let my hand slowly travel down her belly to her pubic hair where I found her most intimate place. For a moment, I stilled myself, closing my eyes and drawing in a gulp of air, allowing the intake of air to calm me. I concentrated on the fact that Bella trusted me completely. I knew I would never hurt her but our joining would be dangerous and control was what I desperately needed to keep her safe. I returned my mouth to her sweet breasts, slowly tasting my way down her body and she writhed wildly beneath me and I reveled in the way her body reacted; her hips moving against my hands; her belly shifting against my dangerous mouth. I slowly ran my hands down her legs, stopping at her toned calves. I grasped her behind the knees, lifting her to me and placing her legs over my shoulders as I took in the most amazing sight. Bella's most intimate place was breathtaking and my control was lost partially when I moved forward to kiss her there. The taste was incredible. I could taste her essence. I heart Bella's heart pound in her chest as I slowly swirled my tongue around, continuing the long kiss, taking in her scent and taste. I ran my tongue up to the centered bundle of nerves, slowly swirling it around. Bella cried out my name as she pulled forcefully at my hair pressing her hips forward as hard as she could. Never had I heard such an amazing sound as Bella cried out my name in ecstasy, pleading for me not to stop. I could feel her tremble as I swirled my tongue slowly against her. When I finally withdrew, Bella looked up at me with a look of trust, love and adoration. There wasn't an ounce of fear in her gaze; only desire. I was captivated by her entrancing, lust filled, brown eyes and again, she cupped my face, leaning in with such passion that it consumed me completely, making me forget everything but the feel of her body against mine.

"Edward," she softly whispered. "I'm ready." I nodded and she lay down on the bed. Taking in a deep breath, I wedged myself between her legs. Swallowing hard, I slowly pushed my hips forward. The sensations were overwhelming when I entered her and delightful flashes of tingles coursed through my body; my attention focused on the warm, wet feeling of Bella around me. Her soft folds slowly gave way and I felt her moisture as it spread along my shaft.

Almost instantly, I hit her hymen. It bowed inwards under my slow assault, creating an intense sensation. The feeling caused me to hesitate though and I reared up on my arms, looking down on Bella. She had a frown of concentration; a distant inward gaze in her eyes as she seemed to concentrate on the feeling of making love for the very first time. She met my gaze and nodded, "Do it…but do it quickly."

I nodded and thrust forward sharply and then there it was…I was fully one with the women I loved but Bella grunted with the sharp burst of pain. I stilled, deep within her, whispering in her ear, "I'm sorry…we can stop if you want?"

Bella's breathing was fast and shallow as I felt her inner walls absorbing my thick, throbbing shaft.

"No…no, please don't stop!"

I could feel Bella's entire body beneath me, her legs wide to accept me, her breasts pressed against my chest, her flat stomach against mine and her pubic hair blending with mine. She held her arms tightly around my waist and I felt amazing

I slowly pulled back, my gaze concentrated on her face, looking for any signs of pain but there weren't any. The sensations of sliding in again were amazing; so freely into the tight warm and wet sheath she provided. The desire to slide in again and again was impossible to fight. I started thrusting deep in efforts to spew my seed into her. Bella wrapped her slender legs around my waist, clutching me tightly as I sank into her over and over again, meeting every one of my movements with her own. Bella watched me as our bodies moved together as a tidal wave of new sensations washed over me. Tangling her fingers into my hair, she pulled me toward her gently, asking me to come closer to her and I obliged, kissing her passionately. She moaned into my mouth as our tongues met and her sounds of lust and satisfaction only became louder as I kissed my way to her neck. After a while I felt her slowly clenching around me as she drew closer to her release and the feeling of her inner walls clenching around my erection were truly electrifying. My breaths became heavier and a growl emanated from low in my chest.

**B E L L A**

Edward growled and he seemed close to his peak when he suddenly stopped and looked into my eyes. There was something beside desire and love in them and that something, kind of frightened me. His eyes became darker and it seemed as if the monster inside him snapped. He pinned my arms into the mattress and began to kiss me harshly in my neck. I felt the sharp points of his teeth touching my throat and I jerked my head away, starting to struggle.

"_Edward_?" My voice sounded hoarse as I tried to squirm out of the tight grasp he had on my arms but he didn't release me. His face began to change as he covered me with his strong body, still thrusting into me with his heaviness.

"_Edward_," I whispered again as my breathing accelerated; a mixture of fear and desire.

"You're mine!" His voice was throaty and hollow.

He bent his head lower. "Edward…please," I begged. I closed my eyes and waited for several moments but nothing happened; no sharp teeth pierced my skin. Edward just kept hammering into me and despite my fear; my climax hit me like a tidal wave. There was a slight tremor in Edward as he groaned and I felt his warmth spreading through my lower body. He sank down on me and I could feel his cold breath on my throat. Hesitantly, I opened my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered with his forehead leaned against my temple. He swallowed nervously and sat up freeing me at the same time.

"Please, forgive me."

His face was still the same; his beautiful eyes resting on me.

"There's nothing to forgive," I said. "I wanted this too…remember?"

There was a frown on Edward's face as he stretched out and picked up his clothes. Putting on his pants, he rose to his feet. When he turned to me, I saw the painful expression in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt you…but I could have…easily. I thought making love to you was possible but I was wrong." There was frustration in his voice as he continued, "There is a monster inside of me that doesn't care Bella. This can never happen again!"

"I'm sorry too," I whispered. I knew Edward had been close to killing me and I was not entirely blameless for that.  
Edward threw on his shirt and took his boots in his hand. He walked to the door and a twinge of pain coursed through my chest. I jumped out of the bed and closed the distance between us, hugging myself against his back, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Don't leave…not like this."

Edward turned around, his face white and his lips pulled askew. I didn't recognize his gaze upon me and the expanse of his chest was heaving with each breath he took.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," I managed to bring out. "Please…don't hate me."

Edward weakly shook his head and kissed my forehead, "I could never hate you Bella. You're my life!"

Tears started rolling down my face as he wrapped his arms around me and I held him tighter, afraid he would disappear right in front of me.

"Why haven't you taken my blood?" I whispered softly.

Edward pulled my face towards his as he kissed me; softly, tenderly. "Because I suddenly realized, I'm too selfish to let you go through the agony of being changed," he said softly.

I rested my head against Edward's chest and closed my eyes.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too!"

**To be continued in the next chapter...**


	2. Chapter 2: Fire And Ice

**Chapter two****: Fire and Ice**

_Some say the world will end in fire,_

_Some say in ice._

_From what I've tasted of desire_

_I hold with those who favor fire._

_But if it had to perish twice,_

_I think I know enough of hate._

_To know that for destruction _

_Ice is also great_

_And would suffice._

**B E L L A**

I awoke slowly; the sound of rain gently tapping against my window. My eyes were closed but I sensed Edward was gone. I felt alone but somehow I could still picture him next to me. Thinking back of last night I could still feel his hands on my body and remembered how his eyes had drunken in my nakedness. Yesterday, I'd become one with him for the very first time and together we'd traveled above Fork's trees of rippling green. I sighed wearily and slowly opened my eyes. My bedroom was cold and when the wind blew in through my open window, a shiver ran up and down my spine. I sat up, feeling incredibly cold. Shivering I reached for my blanket. My eyes traveled along the bare flesh of my outstretched arms and almost immediately I spotted the large purple bruises that encircled them like the grip hold of two large hands. I swallowed hard as I stared at my bruised arms and a sob caught in my heart. Unable to hold it in, I let it out as Edward's words cracked like lightening through my skull, '_I'd rather die than hurting you_.'

I swallowed hard and jumped out of bed, running to the bathroom with a sheet wrapped around my body. Inside I dropped it and assessed the further damage to my body. Beside the bruises on my arms, I had several scratches and bruises on my thighs and what looked like a bite mark in my neck. Panic hit me hard and I wasn't sure what to do. Edward would definitely freak out when he saw what he did to me. _No_…stubbornly I stuck out my chin because _**I**_ wasn't at all regretful of what we did. In my wildest dreams I could never have imagined anything more beautiful than making love to him.

"_Bells…are you ready in there_?"

"Oh…shoot," I whispered, trying to control my sudden quivering voice.

"I'm almost finished dad…just a minute OK?"

"OK…take your time. I just wanted to let you know, breakfast's ready!"

**E D W A R D**

Branches and leafs crunched beneath my feet as I ran through the woods. I looked up to the dark sky and the rain became even worse. A growl emanated from my chest but my voice was drowned out by the sound of intense thunder and lightning. I closed my eyes and thought of the previous night; I'd drowned in Bella; I'd thrust deeper and deeper into her until I finally met the purity of her soul. A faint smile curled my lips as I felt a huge burst of energy…almost like an adrenaline rush. I was so excited about my first time with Bella I chanted her name in my head…over and over again. I ran through the forest until the house rose up before me. I stopped and skid my heels down into the mud, looking right and left, behind and ahead of me. I was bursting with energy but wasn't ready to share my secret with the rest of the Cullen family, especially Rosaly.

I stood at the base of the large pine tree in front of my window and made a quick choice. I leaned my head back and stared up where the green began; the long trunks of the pine trees around me stretching and curving; their feathery tops wavering in the wind. I jumped and swiftly climbed the branches before jumping onto the ledge of my window. Inside I sank down into the soft leather of my couch and closed my eyes. _Bella…._ Making her mine had been the most beautiful moment of my life. Soft laughter erupted from my throat and one thing I knew for sure; she was mine…now and forever.

**B E L L A**

When I entered the classroom it was noisy and active. My eyes quickly scanned the room but Edward was a no-show. Part of me felt relieved but I was also anxious about _his_ well-being. _Why was he absent_? Nervously I tapped my foot on the floor while I leaned over my desk, focusing on our next assignment.

"Hey!"

I looked up to see Edward standing next to my table, backpack slung over one shoulder. He smiled.

"Hey," I mumbled nervously.

I put my book aside as he sat down. I leaned to the other side of the table to take a pencil from my bag.

"How are you?" Edward whispered.

"Um…fine. Um…you?"

Edward looked at me, surprised by my stammering.

"I'm excellent! Thanks for asking." He gave me a breathtaking smile. "Can we talk…later?"

I nodded and took my Biology book out of my bag, concentrating on Mr. Molina's explanation of Symbiosis but even without looking, I knew Edward's gaze was fixed on me. A sudden shyness crept upon me and I could feel my cheeks growing red from blushing. I bit my bottom lip without looking in Edward's direction; instead I followed Mr. Molina's orders, opening my book to page thirty-two. _All you need to know about Symbiosis_. I finished my work assignment long before anyone else did…well except for Edward of course. Mr. Molina seemed to notice we weren't writing anymore and came over to check our answers. Edward got a hundred percent and myself a nice ninety-nine. Edward smiled brightly, his sharp brilliant white teeth glistening.

"Good job, spider monkey," he whispered.

As if on cue the bell sounded for the next class. Everyone jumped up and stampeded from room, Mike almost knocking me over.

"Sorry…Bella!"

I got to my feet and crashed into Edward in my hurry to get out of the classroom. His golden eyes were suddenly wide with concern.

"Bella…what is it?" he asked in his perfect voice.

"Nothing…I'm fine." I brushed my long brown hair out of my face.

"We'd better get to next class. See you…later?"

I rushed out of the classroom without a backward glance, running down the hallway and ducking into the ladies room.

**E D W A R D**

I followed Bella down the hallway and watched her duck into the ladies room. Images of making love to her surfaced hazily in my mind and I clenched my teeth. _Was she having second thoughts? Did she regret making love to me_? When she entered the hallway again, I hastily grabbed her arm. She flinched and looked at me, wide-eyed.

"What is it Bella? Why won't you talk to me? Are you regretting yesterday?"

The venom of my words left a sour taste in my mouth and I immediately wished I hadn't said them. Bella shook her head and pulled her arm loose.

"We have to get to class," she said, her eyes blazing fire.

"Forget class. Look at me and tell me you don't regret what we did yesterday."

I took two steps towards Bella until we were almost touching and I had to use every fiber of my self-control not to take her in my arms.

"Of course not. It's not that…"

She raised her eyes to mine and for a few seconds we just searched the emotions written on each other's faces.

"Then what?" I whispered.

Bella slowly ran her hand across my chest, then upward to where my skin showed under my shirt.

"It's…it's nothing," she whispered. Gently, I covered her hand with mine. I raised her hand to my mouth and kissed her palm.

"Mr. Cullen! Are you and Miss Swan planning to come to class or…?" The teacher looked at us slightly annoyed and I bit my lip hard to resist the urge to just destroy him right there and then. I glared fiercely, hoping that it would scare him off but Bella pulled my sleeve and walked in unison with me into the classroom.

**B E L L A**

When school was finally over, Edward drove me home. I sat back in the passenger's seat, absently gazing out of the windshield at the shadowy trees surrounding us.

"EDWARD, watch out!"

He pumped the brakes, both hands briefly wrestling with the steering wheel as I braced myself.

"Hang on!" He yelled as his Volvo skidded, tires screaming. I swallowed hard as the car finally swerved into a ditch.

"Are you OK?" Edward softly said as he reached out his hand towards me. My stomach was churning as I fumbled with my seatbelt.

"Fine. What was that?"

Edward's dark head lifted slowly. "I only got a glimpse. It just appeared right in the middle of the road."

"Was it an animal?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," Edward said flatly.

A loud bang sounded and I looked up at the top of the car, Edward following my gaze. Very slowly, and with a groan of metal, the roof dented; as if something very heavy was leaning on it.

We jumped out of the car but whatever dented the roof was gone; instead we could see muddy paws prints on the roof.

"It was a wolf," Edward said softly.

"Oh God," I whispered.

"I won't let anything happen to you Bella."

"I've never heard of wolves in the Forks area." I stammered.

"Bella?"

I looked up at Edward.

"I want you to stay at our place tonight. You can call Charlie and tell him you're having a girls' night with Alice or something?"

I nodded, my eyes nervously darting from side to side but luckily enough there was nothing disturbing. Because it was cold outside, I shivered.

"Come here," Edward said. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to his rock-hard chest.

"Are you OK?"

"Fine," I replied.

**E D W A R D**

"OK dad…I'll see you tomorrow." Bella put down the phone and turned her head to look at me.

"So…where do I sleep?" she softly said.

Without answering, I took her hand and led her to one of the guest rooms. I opened the door and listened how her heart beat accelerated as I flipped the light switch.

"Oh Edward…this is beautiful!"

"Glad you like it!" I smiled. The guest room was large and bright, with a huge canopy bed and soft plush carpeting. As I reached out to take Bella's backpack, her delicate fragrance embraced me and I inhaled deeply. The feral desire that had lain dormant inside me for so many years had definitely been roared to life since yesterday and like a fist in my abdomen, fire shot suddenly through me. My arms tightened around her as thoughts about making love to her raced through my mind but I felt her shiver in response.

"Are you cold?"

"Only a little," Bella admitted as she turned slightly in my arms, our faces now only inches apart. I closed the short distance between us, covering her lips with mine. The sweet taste of her mouth lingered on my lips as she pulled back slightly.

"Are you warmer now," I whispered.

"Hmm."

Bella rested her forehead against my chin and I wrapped my other arm around her waist, coming to rest on the small of her back.

"I'm a bit tired," she whispered shyly when she broke our embrace. A little disappointed I let go of her.

"Sweet dreams," I whispered as I turned to leave her bedroom.

"Good night, Edward."

**B E L L A**

_My__ breath came quickly, my chest on fire as I raced through the Forks woods. Red eyes like a demon's turned to glance at me and sweat broke out over my entire body as I realized they were closing in fast... _

_Branches reached out before me like naked arms and dead limbs slapped me in the face. _

"_NO! NO!" I screamed out the words, knowing if I gave up, I would be dead. _

"_**Bella**_?

"_Bella_?"

A feather light touch inside my brain whispered, "_You're having a nightmare_."

I wanted to break from the dream but the darkness held me in a tight grip.

"_It's a dream Bella…please wake up_!"

I snapped from the dream with a gasp, my eyes dazzled by the mild glow of the bedside table lamp. Edward's arms tightened around me, his naked chest pressing against me as he murmured soothing words to me. A sigh of relief washed over me as his fingers caressed my hair and pressed a kiss to my damp forehead.

"It's alright. You're safe!"

I breathed in deeply to calm my heart and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, Edward hovered over me, staring down at me.

"I can't stop thinking about last night."

"Me neither," I whispered. Somewhere in the back of mind, alarm bells were ringing but the room was dark and I was sure, Edward wouldn't see my bruises. I snuggled closer to his body, relief moving through me. Warmth flooded the cold spots inside me as he slipped his hands down to my buttocks. As he cupped me against his loins, I felt how he began to stiffen. I sighed and closed my eyes, convinced thorough lovemaking would erase bad dreams for the rest of the night. Edward's mouth covered mine briefly before his eyes blazed down at me with concern and arousal.

"What was your dream about?"

"Something…was chasing me," I shivered again.

Small lines appeared between Edward's dark brows. "I won't let anyone harm you. You know that huh?"

I slipped my fingers into the rich fall of Edward's hair and savored the cool, silky smooth feeling.

"Yes," I mumbled.

His arms tightened around me as if he wanted to protect me from anything and anyone…

**E D W A R D**

A low growl rumbled deep in my throat as I though of the Quileute tribe but I quickly blocked them out of my mind as Bella suddenly fumbled with my zipper.

"Bella." I gasped her name, my breath more ragged than I expected but within seconds I felt her fingers clenching around me. I groaned and looked down on her, and all I could think of, was how I wanted to love her for eternity; show her that after nearly a decade of searching, I'd finally found the love of my life. I placed my hands on her face and could feel her breath on my cold lips. "Forever mine," I whispered as I hungrily took her mouth in a passionate kiss. My hands moved in a slow caress over her back, down her sides, over her hips and back again. As our kiss continued, Bella moved her arms up my chest until her hands interlocked in my hair. She pulled my closer and deepened the kiss, wrapping her legs around my hips.

_Control Edward…stay in control!_

I broke off the kiss and threw back my head, growling deeply in the back of my throat but Bella took advantage of the moment to begin licking, sucking and biting along my neck until she finally reached my earlobe. I growled once more as I crushed Bella to me, now taking her mouth in a bruising kiss. The proof of my arousal was hard and stiff but Bella kept moving against me, wanting nothing more than to get closer. Within seconds I was lost in a sea of passion as I settled my body over her, my weight on my forearms. I couldn't get enough of Bella; the taste and the smell of her. I held my breath as some small measure of control as I began to lick my way down her chest. I closed my mouth over her already erect nipples and Bella's moans, gasps and sighs only enflamed me further. I reached under her nightgown, my fingers slowly exploring until I found her treasure. Bella was wet, straining toward my hand. She watched my through passion-glazed eyes as I slid her panties down. Bella moaned as my hand caressed the inside of her leg; slowly moving to her center.

"Edward, please," Bella begged.

I smiled against her sweet smelling skin, delving deeper into her curls, parting her, feeling the rush of heat and moisture from her arousal. Slowly I inserted a finger and began to thrust. Whimpering, Bella arched her hips upward begging for more. I bent over her and took the erect nipple of her breast in my hungry mouth. I sucked greedily as I inserted a second finger.

Bella was on fire and she moaned in delight as I pushed my fingers in deeper. With a twist of my fingers, she came hard and I could feel her clenching around me. I swallowed her screams of ecstasy with a kiss as she rode the waves of her climax. As she quieted, I positioned myself over her. Bella reached down and took hold of my arousal. I gasped at the feel of her warm hands on my cold erection. She guided me to her entrance as she adjusted her hips for me. As slowly as I could, I entered her. She winced slightly so I gave her a moment to adjust. I pulled out slowly before thrusting in again, just a little deeper. I repeated the process several times until I was completely buried inside her.

By now, I had to fight every urge from simply ravaging her. I leaned down and kissed her. Slowly, I began to move with her and she met me, thrust by thrust and it felt even better than yesterday.

"Oh, Bella," I whispered her name hoarsely. I kept pounding into her as my sharp teeth dangerously came closer to her neck.

_Control Edward…don't forget__; stay in control. _

I moaned against Bella's neck and sank my teeth into the pillow next to her head. Feathers swirled around us and I stared intently into her eyes. Their depths were clouded with a veil of passion, her face slightly twisted in ecstasy. I growled at the sight as I pushed in even deeper.

**B E L L A**

The feelings were almost too much to bear and my head rolled back into the soft feathers as moaned out his name. By now, multiple orgasms had racked my body and I dug my nails into Edward's back. He kept hammering into me until his control finally vanished into dust. I closed my eyes and felt how his seed spread through my lower belly like liquid ice. It took me quite some time to return to reality and when I opened my eyes again, Edward was staring down at me, a tender smile on his face.

"I love you Bella," he whispered tenderly.

"I love you."

I reached up to touch his pale face and lips. His mouth was slightly open so I could see his sharp teeth. I kept staring at him until suddenly the words came over my lips.

"Change me!"

Edward shook his head and rolled over, taking me with him so that I now straddled him, with him still inside me.

He looked thoughtfully for some time and then he said, "No!"

The room was still dark but I knew he was smiling. He leaned over me and tenderly kissed me when moonlight suddenly streamed in through the large windows. When he pulled back, I immediately saw the shocked look on his face.

"Bella?"

His teeth were clenched and his whole body was strumming with tension when he touched the bruises on my arms.

"What have I done to you?"

"It's nothing…just a few bruises. I wanted this too, you know," I hurried to assure him but Edward withdrew from me in a heartbeat.

"Edward…please." I leaned against him in attempt to wrap my arms around his waist when a massive wave of nausea suddenly washed over me.

"Oh."

Intense, painful, unending cramps in my lower belly made me buckle over and I would have fallen if Edward hadn't caught me.

"Bella…what's wrong?"


	3. Chapter 3: Life In Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...I only wish.**

**Author's note: Until now only a few comments but I keeping faith. This can turn out to be a great story. I for one...am having a lot of fun writing it. Please enjoy this next chapter and please let me know what you think of it; all comments are welcome...positive or negative. They'll only improve my writing. **

**Love you**

**Jinx64**

**Chapter Three: Life In Me**

_If questioning would make us wise  
No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;  
If all our tale were told in speech  
No mouths would wander each to each._

Were spirits free from mortal mesh  
And love not bound in hearts of flesh  
No aching breasts would yearn to meet  
And find their ecstasy complete.

For who is there that lives and knows  
The secret powers by which he grows?  
Were knowledge all, what were our need  
To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed.

Then seek not, sweet, the "If" and "Why"  
I love you now until I die.  
For I must love because I live  
And life in me is what you give.

_Poem by Christopher Brennan_

**B E L L A**

A sharp pain shot through my lower belly and I fought back the urge to vomit as another wave of nausea rolled through me. _Something's wrong…!_ Edward had fallen to his knees, lowering his head to mine so we were level.

"Bella…what is it?"

"Get…Carlisle." My voice cracked; my throat sore from the lack of saliva. I took some deep breaths and my tummy cramped as my belly slightly protruded. _Oh God what is happening to me_? I swallowed hard and my heart raced even faster. After what seemed like an hour, my body was drenched in sweat and my muscles ached. Next thing I registered were two strong arms around me, hugging me fiercely and lowering me onto a bed. I opened my eyes and gazed up into Carlisle's. I caught a faint hint of tenderness on his face but his expression quickly turned into a worried one. I on the other hand was filled with fear and I knew he could see it in my eyes.

"Edward? What's going on?" Carlisle demanded.

Edward looked down and hesitated to reply. "…This is my fault," he softly said. "We…We've made love and I'm afraid I've hurt Bella!"

Carlisle snorted and shook his head but then he turned and grabbed my shoulders tightly.

"Bella…listen to me! When was your last period?"

I shook my head unsure of what Carlisle wanted to hear from me.

"I dunno…about 12 days ago."

"Was this your first time?" Carlisle asked worriedly.

"No...yesterday," Edward admitted.

Carlisle rested his head back and closed his eyes, sighing softly. A slight frown creased Edward's forehead.

"What is it Carlisle? Is this my fault? Have I done anything to Bella?"

Carlisle placed his hands on my belly and I began to relax, my breathing slowly returning to normal. He sat down beside me and placed a protective arm around me.

"Bella…," he softly began. "I have to examine you further but I'm almost sure, you're pregnant!"

My eyes grew wide with fear and my heart started beating so hard, I could hear it in my ears.

"NO…NO," I stammered. "This cannot be. You're wrong…you're wrong!" I vigorously denied but deep down in my heart I knew Carlisle was right. Tears started streaming from my eyes and nothing much registered in my head because I was too overwhelmed.

...

"_It's very unlikely vampires get pregnant. If they do, they'll birth immortal children and they're supposed to be very dangerous and destructive," Carlisle explained to Edward. "You've had relations with a human. To my knowledge, this has never happened before. We have to consider breaking off the pregnan_…!"

"**NO**…!" My voice sounded shrill and I did the best I could to swallow back my fear. To me, the idea of carrying Edward's child already felt better although I couldn't quite identify why? I slowly pushed myself up to a seated position.

"If I am pregnant…I'm gonna keep it," I said stubbornly. Closing my eyes; the vague memory of Edward spreading his cold seed into me, returned. I closed my eyes and became aware that a calming wave of serenity suddenly washed over me.

"You don't have to test me…I _**am**_ pregnant!" My voice came out quiet and calm. I smiled and flexed my fingers over my belly, noticing my skin was smooth and supple, if a little pale.

**E D W A R D**

I looked up, locking eyes with Bella, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders and her chocolate eyes shining while she caressed her belly. I took in a deep breath and felt an awesome weight of responsibility to her and the baby…_our baby_! But next to the overwhelming feeling, I also felt a profound sense of guilt; wouldn't she be harmed by this pregnancy.

"Carlisle? Can you please give us a moment?"

My father nodded and left the guest room without further comments. I walked over to the bed and sat down next to Bella. She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

Bella lifted her head off my shoulder and shook her head, "Don't be. This is not something, we've planned…but it happened so we have to deal with it!"

"Bella…you have to promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"You must end this if it turns out to be dangerous."

Bella stubbornly stuck out her chin and in her eyes shone a fire, I had never seen before.

"Nothing will happen to me."

Bella put her arms around my shoulder and nuzzled her face against my neck. For a time, we just held each other.

"You're having my baby," I softly whispered.

I felt her nodding agreement against my shoulder and we hugged for a while, savoring our time together. I closed my eyes, breathing in Bella's scent. I softly kissed her neck and she turned her face to mine so our lips could meet. I stroked her hair as our kiss deepened and we held tightly to each other, wordlessly sharing our passions and desires. As we finally separated I took Bella's hand in mine.

"Are you ready to tell the rest of the family?" I asked.

Bella smiled shyly and squeezed my hand then she brushed her hair from her eyes.

"Sure!" she said.

**B E L L A**

Tears started streaming down my face as I picked up the notepad and started writing;

_Dear Charlie,_

_I never thought I would be writing a letter like this, I really don't know where to start but if you're reading this, Edward and I have left Forks. Dad, please don't be mad. I've searched all my life for a dream and I've found it in Edward. Maybe one day you can see how he completes me. Dad, you've taught me how to think beyond myself and how to live and love. I hope someday you will understand why I had to leave. Please be proud of me and don't stop loving me. _

_Love always,_

_Bella_

By the time I'd finished scribbling down the few short lines, tears were coming thick and fast, tumbling over my cheeks and falling down, blotting the piece of paper. I swallowed hard and watched how tiny pools of water made some letters smudged. I sighed and laid the pen down, putting the letter in an envelope. As calmly as I could, I took my bag and slowly opened the door. With one last look around, I mentally said goodbye and shut the door of my dad's house behind me.

Edward was looking straight at me, his eyebrows almost knitted together. He took my hand and I flinched.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his eyes locking with mine. I broke down, fresh tears trickling over my face. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and could feel his strong arms around me as I cried into his shoulder. He had nestled his face into my hair and whispered calm things into my ear. Finally, I pulled back and held Edward at arm's length.

"We have to leave," I said.

Edward nodded and opened the door on to passenger's side.

"I love you dad," I whispered as I threw one last glance at the house.

**To be continued in the next chapter...**


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